Entertainment Tonight: Unraveling the Fabric of Society
I had the pleasure of catching 10 minutes of "ET", or "Entertainment Tonight", which I think should stand for "Extra Terrestrial", because I’m pretty sure it’s hosted by a freakin alien! No seriously, of all the people they could have picked as a host, they decided to go with the freakiest, creepiest, android-like creature ever, with wide eyes permanently locked into an excited stare. EGADS!
Cyborg Host – Model T600.11
Now I know what your thinking: that this is a show covering American things and has nothing to do with Canada. But it’s aired in Canada, and Canadians clearly watch it(and there may even be a Canadian version). This involves more than just Canada, though. I’m pretty sure this involves the entire planet, because after watching 10 minutes of this…..show, I’ve decided that we are all doomed.
Offered in high definition, ET treated me to 3 segments of soul crushing terror. Right away my senses were bombarded with screenshot after screenshot of Rihanna’s beat up face, rapidly zooming up on various cuts and bruises. It felt like the camera was raping her face. Now I thought this was old news, having spotted it on digg.com weeks ago. I Guess not because I had to sit through images of domestic abuse flashing over and over into my brain at speeds that only my subconscious could comprehend, while all the gory details came pouring in. And then the announcer promised us that she looked much, much worse later at the hospital. That’s fantastic. Glad to hear it.
Keep in mind folks that I haven’t really watched television in a few years. I knew the quality of television had sunk quite low, but I was not prepared for the level of obsession and exploitation over Rihanna’s abuse by Chris Brown, whoever the hell that is. That poor girl. Is this what mainstream society watches on a daily basis?
That segment left me depressed and highly disturbed, and as I was contemplating the future of humanity, on came the next segment of this award winning show. It was some 19 year old country music star named Taylor Swift appearing on an episode of CSI, and ET was kind enough to take us behind the scenes. Swift told us all about how she just like, loves CSI more than anything in the world, and like, playing a dead body is so awesome, and like, woah, there’s like, blood all over her dress, like, how cool is that you know? Like, OMG she’s such an AWESOME ROLE MODEL!
Just as I was about to leave, fearing I would vomit all over my friend’s nice couch, it was time for an important OCTOMOM UPDATE! YES! We looooove you Octofreak! Keeping track of a billion children sounds rough. What a sacrifice she is making! And it turns out she DID get plastic surgery. I fricken KNEW it! I totally called that one. I’ve been constantly telling my coworkers how I know deep down in my heart that Octomom had plastic surgery, and that I would die trying to prove it if I had to. It became a dark obsession that threatened to leave me jobless and homeless. Yup, Octomom finally came clean; she had breast reduction surgery………………………
Good bye. It was nice knowing you. It was nice to see all the trees and creatures and beauty that nature has to offer, before it gets ripped away by the massive overload of stupid, soulless, money obsessed, celebrity obsessed people that are educating themselves on nothing but pure trash television. Which one of you mental mutants will be the next Prime Minister of Canada or the President of the United States? How many of you will assist in changing our laws to suit your world view, which has been molded by this twisted corporate garbage?
It is my opinion that shows like ET and CSI are slowly crushing the last drops of sympathy towards others out of society. Abuse, murder and domestic violence start to feel normal. And then the human race destroys itself. The end.
I’d say god help us, but it’s now clear to me that god is dead and rotting in some serial killer’s basement(airing next week on CSI).
